Andrea van de Loo on memory, silence, and healing

By: Tricia Stortz

What is it like to inherit the shadows of a past you did not choose? Andrea van de Loo explores this question in her memoir, The Pressing Stones: The Healing Journey of a Nazi’s Daughter. The book traces her lifelong reckoning with her father’s role in Nazi Germany and the legacy of silence and secrecy it created in her family. Through her memories and reflections on the past, van de Loo guides readers through the profound personal impacts of war and her complex journey toward recovery.

The first time van de Loo realized the full weight of her father’s past, she was twelve, sitting next to him in a darkened theater. “We saw a news reel about the Holocaust and I realized that my father had been a part of the system, that system,” she recalls. “It was exceedingly shocking. I couldn’t imagine the cruelty that people are capable of, and that this really happened. But then it went underground in my psyche. I was just living over the top of it.”

The book’s title comes from Sri Aurobindo’s The Secret of the Veda. The “pressing stones” symbolize the forces that grind against us, pressing obscurities into clarity and pain into transformation. Van de Loo’s own pressing stones, she says, were the secrets and silences that defined her childhood.

Her household was a place of uneven truths. “My mother was completely silent about it,” she recalls. “My father would talk about everything, including the sexual adventures that he and my mom had together. He tells me things, and my mother behaves as if it doesn’t exist. And we know that, and we cater to her. We were all silently in cahoots to protect my mother’s silence.”

It is only later, in adulthood and through the relationships she formed, that van de Loo was able to confront that long-held silence.

Living for a time with a Jewish friend who had lost most of his family in the war, she realized she could no longer keep her secret. “I felt that I had to tell him about my father because he cared about me, and I’m carrying this big secret. He turns to me with so much kindness. He just took my face in his hand and he said, ‘You were just a baby.’” That moment gave her a clarity she had not been able to claim for herself.

Healing continued over decades. A five-year relationship with a woman she calls Martha was a turning point. “She wanted to hear my stories,” van de Loo says. “When I would say, maybe this is too much, she said, ‘No, no, no. Don’t put it under the carpet. Tell me more.’ That is when I became willing and able to talk more about what happened and to actually get in touch with my feelings.” For the first time, rage came to the surface. “I didn’t know how much rage I had, because that was never allowed.”

The memories themselves, she says, have always been vivid. “My memories are actually quite amazing… I can see it, I can smell it, I can hear it.” But writing them down took twenty years. “I am not in my nature a writer,” she admits. To stay accountable and share her work safely, van de Loo joined a women’s writing group. “Whenever we came together, I needed to bring them a new chapter. Usually the evening before, I would sit down and write the next one.” Reading aloud to the group helped her confront emotions she had long buried. “Writing about it was fine. But when I would read it out loud, sometimes I would have my tears, which I still do.”

As readers move through the memoir, they encounter the emotional stakes of carrying a painful legacy, but also moments of unexpected clarity, compassion, and self-discovery. Van de Loo’s goal is not only to share her story but to illuminate the ways trauma travels across generations. “We need to end warfare on the planet altogether,” she says. “It’s the stupidest, most criminal thing humanity has ever done, and its impact goes on. It’s not just in the now. The effects continue through children and grandchildren.”

Van de Loo published The Pressing Stones with Untimely Books and Cosmos Co-op, a cooperative that helps authors amplify their voices and reach wider audiences. Since the book’s release, she has shared her story through readings, podcasts, and other public events, including a recent tour in northern Colorado. She continues to participate in discussions and appearances that allow her to engage with readers directly, emphasizing the importance of bringing difficult histories to light in ways that resonate emotionally and encourage reflection.

“This is what I have to say so you can begin to understand just a little bit how much trauma is created by war, not just for the ones in it, but their offspring as well,” van de Loo says. “May it help someone else find their own way toward healing.”

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